Why Does My Toddler Fight Bedtime? Understanding Connection, Boundaries, and Sleep
By Chloe Roche, Certified Infant & Child Sleep Consultant and Founder of Sleep Again
“One more story!”
“I need some water!”
“Mummy, I need another cuddle!”
Sound familiar?
You've finished the bedtime routine, tucked your little one into bed, and finally made it to the lounge room. And then you hear those little footsteps coming down the hallway. Or your toddler yelling out to you from their cot..
Again!
If bedtime has turned into a nightly negotiation, you're not alone. Before changing everything about your child's routine, it helps to understand what may be contributing to the resistance.
Because sometimes it isn't just about sleep.
Bedtime resistance has also been examined in toddler sleep research. A 2025 conference abstract discusses bedtime resistance and sleep patterns in toddlers. (SLEEP, 2025)
Why do toddlers resist bedtime?
Toddlerhood is a fascinating stage of development.
Your little one is becoming more independent, developing language, experiencing bigger emotions, and discovering that they have opinions about absolutely everything.
Including bedtime!
There are several reasons your toddler might suddenly start resisting sleep.
They may not have built enough sleep pressure, which is the natural drive for sleep that develops while they are awake. They might also be overtired or simply want more time with you.
And sometimes, it's a combination of all three.
This is why I encourage parents to look at the bigger picture before deciding how to respond.
Your toddler's behaviour may be giving you useful information.
We just need to work out what they're trying to communicate.
1. Your toddler might need more connection
Think about your toddler's day.
They may have spent hours at childcare, experienced new situations, practised new skills, or spent time away from you.
Then bedtime arrives.
Suddenly, they're asking for another cuddle, another story and another five minutes together.
Sometimes, bedtime resistance can be connected to separation anxiety or a desire for reassurance.
And while another cuddle won't necessarily solve every bedtime difficulty, connection can be an important part of helping children feel secure.
My advice? Build connection into the bedtime routine rather than waiting until your toddler starts protesting.
Put your phone aside if you can. Read together, have a cuddle or talk about their day. Even a short period of focused connection can create a calmer transition between a busy day and bedtime.
One small 2025 conference abstract involving 53 toddlers explored associations between parental bedtime behaviours and objectively measured sleep. As an observational study, it cannot show that any particular bedtime behaviour caused the sleep outcomes. (SLEEP, 2025)
The goal is to offer reassurance in a way that also supports your child's individual sleep needs.
2. Their sleep timing might need adjusting
Remember how your baby's sleep needs changed as they grew?
Well, toddlers are no different!
As children develop, their daytime sleep requirements and ability to stay awake change.
A toddler who has enjoyed a particularly long or late afternoon nap might not have enough sleep pressure to fall asleep at their usual bedtime.
Alternatively, a toddler who has skipped their nap entirely might be exhausted by the evening.
And here's where things get confusing.
Both situations may contribute to bedtime resistance.
If your toddler is regularly taking a long time to fall asleep, look at their entire 24-hour sleep pattern.
Consider when they wake in the morning, how much daytime sleep they're getting, and what time they're going to bed.
Rather than immediately removing the nap or pushing bedtime later, look for a consistent pattern over several days. Notice your toddler's mood, energy, settling and overnight sleep. The goal is to find a balance that supports their individual needs.
3. Your bedtime routine might need more predictability
Many toddlers benefit from knowing what comes next.
Imagine finishing dinner and suddenly being told that you need to stop everything and go straight to bed.
You'd probably protest too!
A familiar, predictable sequence can help your toddler understand that bedtime is approaching. Keep it simple and adapt it to your family.
Research has investigated the introduction of nightly bedtime routines and changes in children's sleep. It's a useful background when considering consistency, although individual responses can vary. (Mindell et al., 2017)
Your routine doesn't need to be complicated.
In fact, I generally prefer keeping things simple.
For example:
Bath or wash
Put on pyjamas and brush teeth
A quiet story
A cuddle
Into bed
Try to keep the order relatively consistent.
The aim isn't to create a perfectly timed routine.
It's to make bedtime feel familiar, calm and predictable.
And if your toddler needs a little extra reassurance along the way, that's okay too.
4. Boundaries are just as important as connection
Here's something I really want parents to understand.
Responsive parenting doesn't mean saying yes to absolutely everything.
You can acknowledge your toddler's feelings while still maintaining a consistent bedtime boundary.
For example, your toddler might ask for another story after you've already read three.
Instead of becoming frustrated or beginning another lengthy negotiation, you might say:
“I know you'd love another story. We've finished our stories for tonight, but we can read another one tomorrow. It's time for our cuddle now.”
You're acknowledging their feelings while maintaining the boundary.
And yes, your toddler might still protest.
That's developmentally understandable.
Consistency doesn't mean ignoring their emotions or expecting them to manage difficult feelings independently.
It means providing predictable boundaries alongside the emotional support they need.
Connection and consistency can work together.
5. What if your toddler keeps getting out of bed?
Ah, the bedtime escape artist!
You've said goodnight and closed the door. Approximately 30 seconds later, they're standing beside you.
If your toddler is repeatedly getting out of bed, start by considering why.
Are they frightened?
Are they seeking connection?
Are they genuinely not tired?
Have they recently moved from a cot to a bed?
Or are they finding it difficult to settle without your presence?
Your response will depend on the reason.
If your child needs reassurance, provide it.
If they are comfortable but continue leaving the room after a familiar boundary has been set, calmly guide them back to bed. Keep each return brief and predictable, while offering reassurance when needed.
Most importantly, choose an approach that suits your child's age, temperament and individual needs.
And remember to make their bedroom safe, particularly if they've recently transitioned from a cot.
What if nothing seems to be working?
If bedtime has become a nightly battle, please don't feel that you need to introduce five different strategies at once.
Start by looking at three things:
Sleep timing: Is your toddler genuinely ready for sleep?
Connection: Are they getting the reassurance and emotional support they need?
Consistency: Does your bedtime routine provide predictable expectations?
Sometimes a small adjustment can make a meaningful difference.
Other times, we need to look more closely at your child's sleep patterns, developmental stage and individual circumstances.
Speak with your GP or child health professional if bedtime resistance is persistent or accompanied by regular snoring, ongoing discomfort or unusual daytime sleepiness.
If your child is struggling to breathe, has pauses in breathing, turns blue or grey, or you are concerned about their immediate safety, seek urgent medical care or call 000.
The bottom line
Your toddler isn't always fighting bedtime simply because they don't want to sleep.
They might be experiencing separation anxiety, adjusting to changing sleep needs, seeking reassurance or learning how boundaries work.
And sometimes, they just really, REALLY want another story!
The important thing is to understand what's happening before deciding how to respond.
Many toddlers benefit from both connection and consistency, adjusted to their individual needs.
If bedtime has become exhausting and you're unsure where to start, I'd love to help. Through a Sleep Again consultation, we can look at your child's developmental stage, individual sleep needs and your family's circumstances, then develop a practical, responsive approach together.
